What does it mean to change your life?

For the longest time, I thought I didn’t help my clients change their lives—because after coaching with me, they didn’t end up living in beautiful beach houses with stress-free, problem-free lives.

Surprisingly, a lot of people, when asked about their dreams, talk about living somewhere near a white-sand beach, in their own house, waking up to warm sunshine and having a really nice, stress-free life. Those dreams often resemble ads for a beach vacation from some travel agency.

I think, collectively, we are so f*cking tired… and could really use a nice white-sand beach vacation.

But I’m not here to poo on my clients’ dreams. I myself like the idea of living close to a white-sand beach and enjoying a stress-free life.

Until I realized… that after a while of living that way, I’d be bored out of my mind.

But what does it actually mean when people say, “This thing changed my life”?

Well, I don’t know what it means for everyone, but after looking closer, I realized that “change my life” really means: every time I do something that isn’t coming from my default mode network, when I do something that isn’t habitual, when I think thoughts that aren’t part of my usual patterns.

Every time I do something that’s outside of my comfort zone, I’m changing my life. Or more accurately—I’m changing the trajectory of my life. Because when I change my responses, my lived experience changes.

I can’t change the things that are outside of my control, like the weather or natural disasters—but I can change the way I respond to them.

• If my mood stops being dependent on the weather, my lived experience will change. I’ll be happy whether it’s raining, snowing, or sunny.

• If I stop watching endless YouTube videos and instead make something, my experience will shift from default zombie-like consumption to creativity and contribution.

  
  

Or, if I learn to stay calm when my daughter yells at me that she hates me (don’t judge—she was born with the temperament of a teenager, what can you do?), and I manage to remind myself that she doesn’t actually hate me—she’s just trying to get me to react and change my mind about something—then my ability to remain calm in that moment will change the trajectory of our relationship.

My lived experience will shift from being hurt and upset to calm, aware, and loving.

If I stop being so self-absorbed and self-conscious when I meet new people—and instead become genuinely curious about their interests—my relationships will change, and so will my experience: from self-consciousness to genuine connection.

If I realize that stability is just an illusion, my relationship with fear will shift. I might finally do something I’ve wanted to do for years but have been too afraid to try because I didn’t want to rock the boat.

All of those are internal shifts—and they totally change lives.

I could keep going with examples, but hopefully, you can see how these kinds of changes start on the inside and have a huge impact on your lived experience.

Those are the changes we do have the power to make.

That’s what it means to claim our power.

The very first step to changing your life in the direction of your desire is to understand where your power lies—and to focus right there.

As a coach, I help people change their lives with every session. Whether they choose to act on their insights is not up to me. It’s my job to respect their sovereignty.

I’ve noticed that everyone needs a different level of “intervention” (for lack of a better word).

Some people truly go out there and change their whole lives after one session. (I once had someone I just chatted with online for two hours—and then he went and changed everything. He thanked me later—that’s how I know.)

Some people need more than one conversation. Some benefit from “high-touch” containers where we meet almost every day. Others find enough support in a group program.

Everyone is unique, and I customize my approach for each person.

What’s not unique is this:

YOU can change your life.

YOU can feel better.

YOU have the power.

I can’t promise you a pain-free life—but I can show you how to suffer less.

So… how do you want to change your life today?

Reach out—and let’s get to work.

P.S. The reason I chose this picture of tulips for this post is my relationship to tulips changed. When I was a kid, I preferred other, more sophisticated flowers like roses. But now I absolute love tulips in all their variety, shape and colours. And my lived experience changed too. When I was a kid and someone would gifted me tulips I would be a little sad wishing they gifted me something else, but now when someone gifts me tulips I experience joy. It’s that simple sometimes :)