When someone asks, "Do you forgive me?" you don't owe them an answer.

Forgiveness is for not for them, it is for you. When they ask you that question, they are looking to feel better, they are looking for pardoning. But forgiveness is not that. What has been done is done, lessons need to be learnt, emotions have to be processed.

Forgiveness can't be forced.

Enough emotions have to be processed for some healing to happen and for you being ready to say "I am done. I have learnt my lessons, I know my boundaries and I will not let this happen again. I am not willing to spend any more of my life force energy on resentment, hate, anger or victimhood. I am ready to move on." This will free enormous amounts of energy and this energy for you to live your life.

What happens to the other person is not up to you, it is for them to process, learn their own lessons, find their own forgiveness.

And this brings me to forgiveness of Self. We all have been on both sides of the equation, right? We all have been wronged and we all have wronged someone else. Self-forgiveness is probably the hardest part, but also it is the most transformational because it makes you more Whole. It helps integrate the parts of you that you have been rejecting. If you reject some parts of you, then, by definition you can't be Whole.

All of you belongs to you and through forgiveness you can become whole again.

When you fight yourself, it drains your energy and you find yourself spinning in one spot like a dog chasing its tail. It can be entertaining but it doesn't get you anywhere. It also becomes dull pretty quickly.

And when you become Whole and you know how to effectively solve internal conflicts, you become force of Nature, you become like the wind and the sun. You move through life like you have the most powerful winds in your favour helping you to go where you want to go.

So, how do you forgive yourself?

You process. You remember the situation and you see why you did what you did. I can guarantee that you did that for a very good reason because everyone makes sense all the time. It was the best thing you could do at that time with the knowledge and wisdom that you had at that time. Then you find compassion towards the version of yourself who did "the wrong" thing. You feel remorse and regret, you learn the lessons. And you send more compassion, love and gratitude from your current self to that younger version of you because if they didn't make that mistake you would still not know.

Because mistakes are just that - a way to know what works and what doesn't. That's how we learn on this planet. That's how are brains are designed. Nobody can get out of here without making mistakes, just like nobody can get out of here alive.

And when you are able to send compassion, love and gratitude to that part of you AND when that part is able to RECEIVE it - that's when magic happens. That part stops being an exile and becomes integrated back into you. It always was you, but now you don't have to spend enormous amounts of energy on self-hatred. You drop it, and what is left is love, compassion, understanding and sense of belonging - belonging with yourself.

This is alchemy. This is transformation.

This is one more step towards Wholeness.

And yes, I can facilitate this process for you.

Don't underestimate the luxury of being held.

With love,

Nataliya