Authenticity.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, authenticity is the quality of being real or true.

I think of authenticity as free self-expression.

What are the conditions that need to be met for the free expression of our truth, and why do we, as a collective, hide our true nature?

What if someone wants to walk around naked in the middle of the city? Is that authenticity?

What if someone wants to yell at you and claim that it’s their self-expression? Is that true?

Social conditioning is not inherently bad. In fact, we need some social conditioning so we can live together in harmony and peace. We are social species, and we need each other. In our modern world, in theory, we can live alone, but all the things that we have come from someone else’s work—the computer I am typing this on, the books I read, the food I eat, the car I drive or the bus I take, the clothes I wear, and the home I live in. None of that I have built. We need each other.

Even Indigenous people, who are not part of our civilization, don’t live alone—they depend on each other. We are interdependent.

So, all of that to say: we need some socialization to live with each other. In fact, we need a much more evolved way to socialize our youngsters because the old ways are still creating wars and violence. And to me, that means we are immature beings that need to evolve.

In a way, elephants are more mature than humans. They are social creatures, and everyone knows that they are pretty calm and friendly giants. BUT when poachers or culling operations remove older, experienced elephants (especially matriarchs), the younger elephants lose essential social guidance, which can lead to uncharacteristic violence—including aggression toward one another and even the killing of rhinos.

Humans need guidance too. Humans need to be socialized to know how to resolve conflicts in a peaceful manner, how to respect others, how to set and respect boundaries.

However, in our modern society, socializing has gone way beyond that. Not only do we not teach proper and healthy conflict resolution (if we did, we wouldn’t have wars raging across the globe today), but we also go so far as wanting to control others. So, socialization went rogue, and people simply do not feel safe to be themselves.

Why can’t we all be our true selves? Because there’s racism, ageism, xenophobia, homophobia, Islamophobia, Judeophobia, ableism, neurodivergent discrimination—and the list goes on and on. I asked ChatGPT to look it up for me, and there are more “-isms” and “-phobias” than I thought! I think every being on this planet is on at least one of those lists.

It is simply not safe for people to be themselves—so why would they? No wonder we hide, pretend, wear masks.

But when is it going to be enough? When do we learn as a society to be more accepting of each other? How many more wars do we have to fight to understand that the wars only benefit those who seek control over us—those who use us as pawns?

I think society is pretty sick—but not all is lost. There is wisdom out there; we just have to listen to it. There’s a lot of kindness out there. There are values we know are true to us. But we need to remember to look inside and see the truth of our own being. We need to realign to that truth. We need to see, own, and accept ourselves for who we are.

But how? How do we see the truth?

Heck, how do we accept ourselves for who we are?

I talk a lot about self-love because I believe it is a prerequisite for a happy life, self-confidence, and human evolution as a species. But how can you love yourself if you have been hiding behind masks so much that the mask has kind of merged with you?

How can your inner true nature trust you if you’ve been rejecting it for most of your life?

What is your true nature?

In recent weeks, I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself. I was invited to truly be alone—without internet, books, or podcasts—so I could actually hear my own voice and tune into my own energy. And what an interesting experiment it has been. I get to feel my own energy without the influence of the outside world, and that’s a pretty cool feeling. I sense that if I continue this practice, I will discover and remember more things about myself.

How do I make decisions that are in integrity? First, I remind myself of my own values. I did the work of figuring out what is important to me, and now I make a lot of my decisions from that place. For example, recently someone paid me the same invoice twice. I know that the system they have isn’t foolproof, and the chances are that they’re not going to notice the error. The problem is that I see it. I know it. And I can’t hide it from myself no matter how hard I try. Sure, I could use the money, but I checked in with my body and with my values. The most peaceful way for me is to tell them they paid the invoice twice. It’s a bit inconvenient and annoying—but it’s the most peaceful and aligned choice for me.

You don’t have to describe your true nature in words—because you are so much more than words. All you need to do is tune into your true nature, feel it, and follow its guidance.

Right now, it’s time to take my dog outside. And I really want to keep writing. But when I pause, I can feel a little hint of guilt because I have a crazy sense of responsibility for her well-being (I took this creature in; therefore, I am responsible for her). I also sense some impatience because I want to finish writing while my thoughts are still streaming (there are so many articles I didn’t finish because the inspiration came and went). There’s also a bunch of compassion—for my little dog and for myself. There’s recognition of HER true nature—she needs to play. So I throw her the ball in between sentences.

There’s a part of me that says I don’t need to share this writing. But there’s also a part of me that wants to express outwardly. This is the spot where I give myself permission to take space in the world. And as small as this step is, it’s an important one in owning my authenticity. It’s a step that allows my nervous system to feel safe being me. And hopefully, it helps someone else out there to be themselves too.

I keep wondering: what would the world be like if we all took our masks off? If we all allowed ourselves to express freely—and at the same time, respectfully, with kindness? That requires a certain amount of maturity. So maybe we need to take care of our elders more. The wisdom they hold cannot be replaced by the internet.

But socialization becomes less than awesome when it requires compliance and the repression of individual expression in the name of being accepted by society. You can be who you are—as long as you don’t hurt others or insist on them bending to your will.

How do you know if you are doing something for self-expression or for some other reason?

Why do you put on lipstick? Is it for self-expression or to be liked by others? The external action is the same, but the motivation is what makes it either an authentic act or an act of masking.

In order to be authentic, we have to detach from wanting to be liked, accepted, validated, or understood by others. We have to develop the ability to like, accept, validate, and understand ourselves.

It’s not an easy task. It also doesn’t mean you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life.

You’ll most likely go through a stage where people are really pissed off at you for having a different opinion or speaking your truth. Some people might leave. But it also means you’ll have a chance to meet people who resonate on the same wavelength as you.

If you’ve been masking your whole life, it can be extremely scary to show your real self. But what’s the alternative? The alternative is to keep wearing masks, to keep forgetting more and more who you truly are—and that leads to incredible suffering. Because the whole purpose of your life is to experience it as YOU. You incarnated in this body at this time to be you.

Uncover your true nature. Be more at peace with who you are. I’m here to help you with all of that.

Interested?

I’m running a 6-week beta test program that will help you realign with your true nature, unmask, show up as yourself, and make decisions that are more aligned with you than ever before.

And because authenticity requires a safe space to emerge, this work will be done 1:1.

Drop the fear—at least some of the time.

Accept yourself for who you are.

Make aligned decisions.

Send me an email at nataliya@nataliyak.com to join. Put “Yes to Authentic Me” in the subject line. I have three spots for this program at the silly price of $60. In 6 weeks, you will be more you.

Why is authenticity so important today?​
I think that if you learn to accept yourself—with all your perceived imperfections—and express yourself freely, you’ll be more likely to accept others and their imperfections. Not only will you live a more aligned life, but it will also impact the world. I believe authenticity and self-acceptance are absolutely necessary for a more peaceful world.

And this is what I want: a peaceful world for us all.

Talk to you soon!

Nataliya